Touching Base | nicoleal20's Blog

It's been a little while since I wrote a blog so I thought I would touch bases. Nothing is really new. We went to the city's Christmas parade yesterday. It was nice. It was really nice to see the whole town come out with their blankets and lawn chairs and sit and enjoy the day. The holiday season is definitely here. I nearly ran into the Christmas tree at WalMart the other day. The good thing about the holidays is that food is always on sale. I'm trying to stock up on turkey and other foods so when the season is over, my fridge and freezer are full.
My sister and I are joining our dinners to make one big dinner. I wasn't going to do it because I really didn't feel like being bothered, but my daughter said something about it the other day when we were at dinner and the next thing I knew.. It's cool. I know. I usually hate Thanksgiving and Christmas. In fact, most of the time I wish I was on some island that didn't celebrate either so I wouldn't have to hear the sappy music or see all the tinsel and trees and lights and dumb commercials trying to convince us to spend money we don't have. But this year I am going to make a better effort to be more in the holiday spirit. I might even go and visit my mom's grave next month. She died 14 years ago. Gosh, has it been that long? Yes..,my daughter was only 8 months when she passed away shortly after Christmas. I still remember how my dad didn't want me to make Christmas dinner but I did it anyway because I felt we all needed it. Then he talked to us about what to if my mom took a turn for the worse. We all decided DNR. She was so sick. Trying to save her would have only hurt more.

Maybe that's why I don't like Christmas that much. I always think of that Wed, Dec. 29th when my brother told me Ma was dead. I missed all of my final exams that day. In a way I was relieved that she had passed because I knew she was suffering. In another way I was like, wow, I don't have a mother anymore.

Anyway...I am going to put the tree up on Thanksgiving day. I need to buy some candy canes and maybe some more tinsel. I might even put lights in the window this year. Last year I didn't bother because I was so busy with my dad being being here for a visit.

I am having a good day so far. I talked to a very good friend today and she put a smile on my face. Thank you, M! I got to see my husband for a little while this afternoon before they called him with a load. He just dashed out of here a little while ago. He should be home sometime on Wed. I started taking the geodon again and you know what? It's not helping me sleep that well. last night I tossed and turned until about 1 am. Same thing on Sat. I think maybe my body has adjusted to it. The next time I go to the psych I am going to ask him for something to help me sleep because neither the otc pills or the geodon is working.  I will say this. When I finally did fall asleep last night I slept all the way through. I didn't wake up a half a dozen times like I did without it. It just takes a while now, that's all. I also started taking two prozac today. The psych recommended it. he said it might help get rid of the hum drums. I admit, these past few weeks I have seen my mood take a slight nosedive from blah to bummed. I know I'm in trouble when I start asking myself what's the point of anything. That's one of the reasons why I started taking the geodon again. I just started back on the prozac because I had to wait until yesterday to fill my script. The nice thing about that med is that it's cheap.

The visit to the va clinic was ok except it took forever for the lab to get to me to draw blood. Maybe it's because it is a new clinic. I am healthy except for my weight. I think I put on ten pounds since last ear, which is not good. I really want to lose some weight. In fact, I was recently dreaming about how I would look if I lost 100 pounds. I would be back to the weight I was when I was in the military. That's what I really want to do but, boy, this is not a good time. Not when I'm going to be making pies and cake and all of that yummy stuff. I promise that after Thanksgiving I am going on a diet. I do better during Christmas anyway because I don't make a big meal. I want to lose enough weight so when I go to NY in April my dad will say wow ( in a good way, not wow, you sure gained weight).

More later..